a l e x i a d y s l e x i a

Alexia Dyslexia

It's Alexia Dyslexia, and I'm back, with my "Back to School" issue of A.D. So, when you hear the word "school", what do you think of? Nosy teachers, work, and detentions? Well I don't. I think of Guys! Yes, that's right. This part is just for women. BWA (Babes With Attitude) have made the 15 commandments for dating, that all women should follow.

1. Thou shall not obsess...that means exactly what it says. Don't give up all your free time just to follow some guy who barely knows you're around.

2. Thou shall not skank out....Don't start wearing clothes that make you look like a slut to get a guys attention. Don't act like a skank. You're right, you'll get attention, but it will most likely just be because they think you're easy.

3. Thou shall not be a wench...Ever notice a girl who starts a insulting everyone, and sometimes even the guy she likes? This is called the 2nd grade approach to liking guys. Can we say, loser?

4. Thou shall not bug...If a guy says he's busy, he A) doesn't want to see you, B) is busy.

5. Thou shall not beg...Begging for a date? Can we say loser? I mean, if a guy doesn't like you, he doesn't. Get over it.

6. Thou shall not offer themselves as a prize...Ever see those movies where the women will say "Let's go upstairs, and *cough* study for anatomy. That is slutty and never works.

7. Thou shall act like themselves...I've done it, you've done it, who hasn't? The truth is, it doesn't work. If you act differently when you like a guy it's not cool. It doesn't help either, he'll find out, or you'll be unhappy pretending.

8. Thou shall not freak if blown off...Okay, I've recently broke this rule. I cried because a guy blew me off. First, don't make a big deal out of it. I mean, he may really not trying to blow you off. Don't get mad either, he'll probably have no idea why you're mad. If he says hi, act friendly.

9. Thou shall be a mystery...This is meant in a lot of ways. If you reveal everything to a guy, (clothing wise), what can he imagine? Guys like mysteries. Also, don't go around saying you love him. I normally don't even tell my friends when I like a guy unless I have too.

10. Thou shall be prepared...this works with life, as well as dating. If you're imagining a dream date, most likely it won't happen. I always imagine the worse possible thing that can happen, and the best.

11. Thou shall be busy...This is probably the most important rule. Don't sit around waiting for him! Get as busy as possible, and don't always be available.

12. Approach every other time...That's what I try to do. If you approach everytime, how do you know if he likes you?! You don't! This doesn't work with shy guys though. For them, I recommend, smiling friendly, and see if they smile back, or say hi.

13. Thou shall not call after dumped...So, he dumped you? Dang, now, follow commandment 11, and 14. You'll be fine. Follow my break up plan.

14. Friends first...always. If you've got plans with anyone, anything, don't break them.

15. You are beautiful...remember, you're good enough for ANYONE.

ONE WEEK GETTING OVER A BREAKUP PLAN:

1) Cry, watch sad movies and eat. Look at old pictures, and other stuff you relate to him and put it in a box. Cry with friends too, and talk about how guys are such jerks.

2) Have a break up party. Talk about how guys are jerks draw on the pictures, and burn bury, or destroy the box. Do each others makeup and stuff. Refuse to speak the jerk who dumped you's name.

3) Go out with a guy friend. Do whatever, and flirt! Flirt, flirt, flirt!

4) Go guy spotting with guys. Look, flirt and get phone numbers. Plan a date.

5) Get your nails done, go shopping, whatever. Have fun.

6) Have a guys night out...with you as the only girl. Party!

7) Get ready for your date!

REVENGE

Admit, it. We all want it. Here are some good ones, without looking crazy.

1) Don't do this too much or you WILL look crazy, and that's the last thing you need. Use superglue, and glue something in his house. His toilet seat, a cup on the table, a cd in the stereo, something like that.

2) If he comes looking for his stuff, get yours and suddenly remember you threw his stuff away, or give it to him broken.

3) Call his boss. Yep, you heard me, especially if its a woman. Say sorry, you wanted to talk to him, and confess all the things he's ever done to you. This also works with his mother/sister.

4) Accidently e-mail his girlfriend, sister, boss, mom, those "pictures" you took (your face blocked out of course, or the old love letters. Mail his boss or family that tape you made too. Maybe, even comments that he said about them.

5) Get a friend to leave messages on his machine, confessing her love, and what they did last night. Of course, they didn't do anything, but he'll be in so much trouble if his girlfriend hears.

6) Become friends with his girlfriend. That's a sure scarer.

7) Go out with his brother. Have fun, remember, you'll be the cause of many drunken family fights in the future.

8) Turn up where he is, with your new boyfriend, or friend. Flirt with the guy relentlessly.

9) The best way of revenge, turn lesbian. This is every guys fear. Making a girl turn lesbian.

WAYS TO SEE IF HE LIKES YOU:

1) Mention the fact somehow that you don't think he likes you. See what he says.

2) Have a mutual friend ask him who he likes.

3) Do the "Name the girls you like" thing.

4) To be continued...

If you have any questions, comments, complaints, or wanna be in the fashion police then email me at Jewlicat@yahoo.com.

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